Let’s address the elephant in the room. I haven’t been around for a while.
It’s been a hard winter. Like an “I don’t want to venture outside” winter. I’ve been moping around, I haven’t been checking emails, I haven’t been blogging, I’ve just kind of shrunk into a cocoon. Just get up at 4:45, head into work, home and back to bed as soon as possible. No project, no activities, just going through the motions. I haven’t posted here since early May.
It’s not hard to figure out why. On May 9th, I had to put my cat Sammy to sleep.
He’s not the first pet I’ve lost, and certainly, I’ve been very sad for those before him. But this one hit me very hard because I had to choose to end his life and because Sammy was a character who sought out and enjoyed every last second of life.
I know it was the right thing to do, and the right time to do it. He was in pain, he was suffering and his last night was a hard one. He trusted me, and I know I made the right decision. That did not make it easier. And the burden of guilt, deserved or not, that I have carried has been very heavy.
It’s been very hard to let him go.
But life moves on, and eventually, I have to rejoin the land of the living.
I have struggled with how I start back up again; I’ve wondered long about how I’d write this post and what I’d say in it. I wondered that with such personal tragedy, should I make it public. I wondered if it belonged here. I suppose some would say I don’t owe an explanation. I guess I feel I kind of do; maybe I don’t need to apologise, but I should let you know where I’ve been. And I guess I had to post this here as the next step in the process of letting go.
And I wanted to share these two lessons from Sammy. These two of the many photos I took of him during his last days. This was him enjoying the outdoors (he was a mainly indoor cat). I was going crazy trying to capture every last minute, and he shared some wisdom with me.
Thanks for the life lessons, Sammy. I miss you little guy.
Now let’s get back to work.